


Bon Appetit My Dear Erwin

by 1evis1ittleasshole



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: I need to stop writing, M/M, This is a horror fic, all the childrens are here this time, cause its horrible, please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 07:22:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6109357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1evis1ittleasshole/pseuds/1evis1ittleasshole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin learns the hard way that he should lock the fucking door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bon Appetit My Dear Erwin

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing a lot these days
> 
> P.S. the fic starts mature but gradually gets immature ;)

Eren couldn’t believe his eyes. His body trembled with cold fear as he witnessed the scene before him. He stood frozen in front of the bedroom only a sliver of the door opened. He watched as one devoured the other, the slickness of his tongue echoing with the groans and protests of his victim. He was watching someone he loved get  _eaten alive._

“Stop!” Levi hissed sounding like he was in pain. He pulled at Erwin’s golden tresses as the man devoured the flesh between his legs. Erwin only grunted like a starving beast his large hands tightening around smaller legs. The smaller man gasped, moaning as he pulled harder his mouth agape in a silent scream. “Erwin!” he gasped again. “Erwin I can’t-” he was cut off when his lower body was lifted off the bed. Erwin only picked up speed drawing more noises from the other man who couldn't stop writhing pulling the sheets taut.

Eren gasped quietly almost driven to tears before he wrenched his eyes away before he could see anymore. He dashed down the hallway running as fast as his tiny legs could take him his heart beating wildly in his chest. He really couldn’t believe it.

_Papa_

Papa was a titan! Eren felt fear run through him at the thought. How could he not know? Papa was such a big man with huge hands and feet just like a titan. He made loud booming sounds around the house when he walked and his voice was always deep and resonant when he talked. Big and scary like the titans he heard about in stories.

How did Eren not see it. Papa could be so gentle, much less scary than Daddy at times, but he was pretending. He was a titan in disguise! Eren frantically ran to the playroom almost tripping over his panda socks. He slid into the dimly lit room full of sleeping children not hesitating to go over to a sleeping Armin shaking him violently.

“Armin wake up! It’s an ‘mergency!” Armin groaned tugging his little pink and yellow polka-dot blanket closer to his body for comfort. “Arrrmiiiin! Wake up Daddy’s in trouble! He’s gonna  _die_!” Eren yelled in frustration chocking on his sobs.

 He felt a hand on his shoulder turning around to see a half sleep Mikasa with an angry expression. She looked around to catch who made Eren cry only to see everyone else was just waking up as well startled from Eren’s sobbing. Putting her ~~weapon~~ pillow down she sighed.

“You ok Eren?” She rubbed his back lightly.

“Of course he’s ok he’s just being a stupid scaredy-cat crybaby ‘cause he had a nightmare.” Came a voice from across the room. Jean got up with a grumpy expression obviously upset about being woken up from his nap.

“I’m not a scaredy-cat dummy! Daddy’s in trouble!” Eren snapped roughly wiping his tears away as if to hide them. “And I wasn’t crying!” He yelled, his little nose red and stuffy from irritation. 

“You woke us all up with your crybaby whiny!”

“You’re just mad ‘cause I woke you up! You’re whiny!” 

“Am not!”

“Ya-huh, and you’re probably mad ‘cause you wet the bed again big baby!” 

“Who told you that?!” Jean blushed almost tearing up from embarrassment as he glanced at Mikasa nervously. Marco started fidgeting suddenly too guilty to look at Jean. He spoke up hoping to distract them from the argument.

“L-let’s just turned on the light, maybe Eren has something important to say.” Marco said fully awake at this point. Jean let it go but huffed angrily as he crossed his arms. Reiner took this as his cue to walk over to the broom sitting next to the light switch. He grabbed it expertly flipping the switch like he’s done it a million times. 

As light filled the room everyone groaned at the brightness but Marco, ever the caring one, focused on the task at hand. “What’s wrong Eren?” he said giving the other boy a gentle smile. 

“Papa is a titan.” Eren said suddenly getting to the point. His face was defiant and determined.

Everyone looked at each other a few (Connie and Sasha especially) looked like they were about to burst with laughter.

“Don’t laugh!” Eren panicked. “He might hear you!”

He waited for everyone to settle before saying “I saw Papa eating Daddy a-and Daddy was screaming for him to stop and stuff.” 

Everyone gasped Armin pulling his blanket tighter in fear. “Papa wouldn’t do that Eren! He really likes Daddy!” Armin protested.

“I know you like Papa a lot Armin but I know what I saw.” Eren said giving his best friend a stern look. “You have to be strong.” Armin nodded his head still in shock.

“How could he be a titan that makes no sense.” Jean said stubbornly.

“Is that why we don’t see Daddy as much lately?” Bertolt said in alarm.

“Is that why Daddy’s sick? Why he’s been in bed so long?” Cried Krista holding onto Ymir tightly. Ymir smirked triumphantly.

Jean, however, frowned at being ignored by everyone.

“Daddy don’t got a cold. Papa’s been sucking the life-force outta him like an alien an’ now he’s trying to eat his flesh like–like a zombie!” Eren said dramatically. Everyone gasped. Even Jean started listening. 

“What are we gonna do? We’re just kids!” Sasha said shaking like a leaf. Connie nodded in agreement suddenly serious.

“We gotta bring Papa down.” Annie said grabbing their attention. She was sitting on her favorite red wooden stool her face gravely serious. “Daddy said the titans were monsters that need to be put down. It’s our job to finish this.”

“Annie’s right! We need to be brave like Daddy! Maybe we can still save him!” Eren exclaimed full of energy. Mikasa nodded silently agreeing. 

“We need a plan.” Armin said reluctantly. He was still partly against causing any harm to Papa. “We need to find a way to out smart him.” 

“Ok. But we gotta hurry cause Daddy’s in danger!” Everyone nodded in agreement with Eren. Except Jean. He was reluctant as he felt fear crawl through his body. No way. No way was he risking his life for Eren’s stupid obsession with Daddy. Sure he loved both his parents too but he was too young to die!

Marco noticed his hesitation walking over to putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Jean. You don’t have to worry. We’re all a little scared but we have to do this.”

“Says who? Why do we gotta do what he says?” Jean said sweating with fear. “This is so stupid.”

Marco gave him a sympathetic smile. “Look at me Jean.” Jean looked in his eyes begrudgingly. “I have your back. I won’t let you get hurt ok?” Jean gave Marco a look of surprise before hugging the other boy tightly. “O-ok Marco. I think…I think I can do it with you there.” He sniffled a little feeling a bit better.

“Marco, Jean, we need everyone here!” They heard Eren say. All the kids were in a circle with crayons and construction paper skewed about. Armin was drawing a blue print of sorts(blue paper, white crayon, super legit) and devising a plan. He was fully concentrated on his work.

“Ok what we really need is to bring him down to our height first–”

“Yeah!” Eren interrupted excitedly. “But he has to be like 7 feet tall how we gonna do that?” 

“No he’s got to be around 6 feet and some inches.” Armin corrected. “We should trip him or make him bend down. Daddy said titan’s weak spot’s on their nape so we gotta go for that.”

“Nape?” Eren looked confused. Armin pat the back of his own neck to demonstrate. “Right here.” 

“I can handle that.” Mikasa said a scary expression on her young face. She gripped her ~~weapon~~ red scarf tightly.

“O-ok thanks Mikasa.” Armin said nervously. “We need to distract him with something. Maybe scatter toys for him to pick up or something.” Everyone nodded in agreement. Armin continued “But we need a decoy to lure him maybe.” Armin said with a dark expression.

Everyone looked at him. Armin looked back in shock. “What?” Everyone gave him a look of guilt. “Y-you don’t mean you want me to? But I-I can’t!” 

“Come on Armin we all know you’re Papa’s favorite!” Reiner said matter-of-factly. Bertolt nodded in agreement looking relieved about not being in Armin’s place.

“That doesn’t mean he won’t eat me!” Armin nearly yelled. Eren grabbed his shoulder tightly. 

“Armin. Me and Mikasa’ll protect you if things get bad don’t worry. You trust us right?” Eren gave him an encouraging look. Armin stared at his friend before nodding slowly. He could trust his closest friends. He knew this for a fact.

* * *

                                                     

“I’m checking on those damn brats.” Levi said angrily. He got out of bed pulling on a pair of pants with more force than necessary his expression sour. 

“Levi!" Erwin said with a start sitting up as he watched his husband scurry around the room.

"Stop you’re sick Look, I’ll check up on them instead ok?” Erwin said getting up from the bed as well. The two were relaxing after Erwin gave Levi a little TLC as a get well surprise earlier and another round of fun in the bath that followed. The soothing silence was interrupted, however, when Levi thought he heard the loud “whispering” of tiny humans.

“Well Erwin _you_ were supposed to put them to bed a while ago and as you can see they’re very awake.” Levi snapped pulling on a plain t and a dark green robe. For someone who’s supposed to be sick the little man sure had a lot of energy. 

Erwin pulled on his clothes as well but couldn’t seem to catch up with the storm that is Levi. The smaller man walked down the hallway like he was on a mission stopping in front of the playroom to yank the door open. Erwin stumbled gracelessly behind him but froze along with Levi when they came upon a very empty playroom.

Erwin noticed Levi’s body tensing with anger before the man raced off in another direction. He blindly followed still totally confused as to how he managed to lose track of 12 children. Oh, he was in trouble.

Levi turned another corner to find a trail of toys leading to the kitchen. Levi’s face went from angry to terrifying in 2.5 seconds. Erwin was beginning to fear for the kids. Angry Levi was incredibly intimidating to most adults so he couldn’t imagine how scary he was to the kids.

Levi picked up the toys quietly seeming almost calm but Erwin knew the rage that was yet to be unleashed. “I told them not to leave toys lying around a million fucking times. How hard is that?” Levi grumbled to himself balancing Hotwheels™ and Barbies in his arms.

“Levi don’t push yourself too much.” Erwin said trying to lessen the strain on Levi’s sore body. He reached out to help but Levi wouldn’t let him already deep in cleaning mode.

Meanwhile, little Armin was peeking around the corner in disbelief. Daddy was alive? How? Was Eren lying? But why would he? Maybe Papa wasn’t a titan. But then what did Eren see? Armin was confused but he knew Daddy looked absolutely livid and Papa was nervously following him right at his heels. Maybe Daddy was mad because Papa tried to eat him? He must’ve fought him off and found him out. Yes, Armin might have to go through with this mission after all.

Daddy was ruining the plan, however, because he was much more inclined to cleaning than Papa was. Armin didn’t anticipate this. He had to lure Papa away so he could escape! Armin bravely stepped out of his hiding place. Two sets of eyes locked on him at once.

Levi looked up to see Armin standing in front of them looking scared enough to piss himself. Levi gave him a calm but stern look forgetting a bit of his anger. “Armin, I know you didn’t do this by yourself did you? Where’s everyone else?” Levi said stooping down to his level. 

Armin looked at him then Erwin and whispered “I can’t tell you Daddy I’m sorry.” Before racing out the kitchen like his life depended on it. Erwin and Levi glanced at each other in confusion before Erwin jogged after the boy. 

Armin looked behind him to find Papa hot on his heels. He screamed not able to hold it in. He was going to be eaten he was going to die! “Armin wait! Don’t run in the hallway you’ll hurt yourself!” he heard behind him but he ignored the man’s concern. He just had to get to the designated spot and–

Suddenly he heard Eren’s war cry behind him followed by a large thud and an “oof”. He turned to see Papa lying on the ground with Mikasa’s red scarf tangled between his ankles. Armin jumped when he saw him move to get up with a pained groan only to see Mikasa jump on his back out of nowhere.

Erwin couldn’t comprehend what just happened. One minute he was running after Armin only to fall face first the next. He landed painfully on his right arm breaking his fall slightly but when he tried to get up he felt a small weigh on his back latching onto him.

He tried to get the weight off him when Eren screamed “Chaaaarge!” behind him. Suddenly 10 other small bodies came at him from every direction with ferocious tiny war cries of their own. They dog piled him successfully overwhelming him enough to keep him low to the ground as he struggled.

“Jesus!” Erwin yelled in distress. “Wh-what are guys doing?! Stop!” He grunted trying to escape the dogpile without hurting the children. He vaguely wondered where Levi was before realizing Levi must’ve went to put the toys away. Dammit.

“Shut up you monster!” He heard Eren yell. He felt a blanket go over his head blinding him. 

“We got ‘em where we want him.” 

“We won we won!” 

“Take that!” he heard as tiny fists attacked him drumming on his back. He suddenly felt a blow to head from an object disorienting him and laying him out for good. The kids quickly removed the blanket some sitting on him to pin him down some checking to see his condition.

“Is he dead?”Krista said panic lacing her voice.

“I-I think so.” said Connie equally scared.

“He didn’t really fight back though…I thought he would try to eat us.” said Armin. “Maybe he wasn’t a titan. What if we killed him?!” Armin began to panic. 

“But-but he has to be! What about what he did to Daddy?!” Eren said sounding a bit hysteric.

“What did he do to me?” Came a deep voice from across the hall. Everyone turned to see Levi looking both shocked and incredibly angry all at once. The kids stared at him momentarily before bursting into tears collectively.

“We killed Papa!” Screamed Armin hugging Erwin tightly.

“It was Eren fault! He did it!” Jean wailed.

“I didn’t mean to! I wasn’t just me!” Eren screamed giving Levi the most pitiful expression he’s ever seen.

Levi momentarily felt a shock of fear when he didn’t see his husband get up. “What did you guys do?!” he said panicking despite himself as he hurried to Erwin’s side. He felt little hands cling to him for comfort as he lightly placed a hand on Erwin’s back only to find that he was breathing and certainly not dead. Levi felt like an idiot for letting himself worry.

“Hey." he said trying to speak over all the wailing. "Hey calm down you guys. HEY” he yelled when the crying continued. Everyone stopped, sniffling as their bloodshot eyes focused on Levi.

“He’s not dead he’s just unconscious calm down.” He said with an irritated huff. 

“What *hic*what does un-unconsuch mean?” Eren asked between little hiccups clinging to Levi. 

“It means he’s taking a nap.” Levi said gently patting the child’s head.

“Now, tell me what the heck happened. Why is Papa knocked out?” 

Everyone pointed to Eren without hesitation, even Mikasa and Armin.

Levi arched his eyebrow at the boy his mouth set in a dissatisfied frown. Eren looked at his feet afraid to look Levi in the eye.

“What did you do Eren? Did you tell everyone to attack Papa?” Levi tried to keep the anger from his voice.

“I thought Papa was a-a titan…” Eren mumbled. Levi didn’t know whether to laugh or yell. 

“What on earth. Eren how in the hel-” Levi cut himself off trying not to curse. “What in the world made you think that??” Levi’s voice was laced in utter disbelief. 

“I had a nightmare and I was scared so I went to your room so I could sleep with Daddy instead but–” Eren looked up from his feet momentarily before looking back down a fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. 

“I saw Papa eating Daddy.” Eren said clearly terrified. “A-and you were making noises and telling him to stop and he growled at you!” Eren said more confidently finally looking at Levi with anger in his eyes. “It’s why Daddy’s sick and wouldn’t get out of bed.” 

Levi’s eyes widened as far as they could go his face became unbearably hot as he covered his mouth and looked away. Closing his eyes he stifled a fit of laughter while trying to figure out how to explain to the kids what really happened. No way was he going to explain to a bunch of little kids that sometimes Papa liked go down on Daddy’s ass for fun. No fucking way.

“Eren-” he started trying his best to sound gentle. “Papa wasn’t trying to eat me he was–sometimes adults-” Levi paused again realizing there was no real way of explaining the act of rimming to the bright-eyed children currently staring at him expectantly.

“Just don’t worry about it ok? I can guaranteed Papa’s not a big scary titan and if he were you know I would’ve beat him up real good. Does Daddy look like he’s hurt or bleeding?” Everyone shook their heads in unison. “Alright then, next time don’t let your wild imaginations get to you. You’ll understand what happened when you’re way older.”

“Sorry Daddy.” They all said. Erwin groaned finally coming to as he sat up rubbing his head his face was scrunched up in pain.

“What happened?” He said blearily. Levi smiled in relief when he saw that Erwin was finally up.

“Don’t worry Erwin I’ll explain later. But the kids have something to say to you don’t you?” Levi addressed the children sternly. They all turned to Erwin looking guilty before jumping to hug him all at once almost knocking him over again in the process. “Sorry Papa!” They all cried hugging him.

“Woah, woah, ok settle down.” Erwin consoled them before looking at Levi with the most bewildered and worried expression he’s ever seen. 

Levi smirked at him shaking his head. “Welcome back to the world of the living. Hope you learned your lesson. I know they will when I’m done with them.” Levi stood up ignoring the groans of the soon-to-be-grounded kids surrounding him. “Just remember to lock the door next time.” he said with a wave of his hand. 

“Come on kids back to bed. You’ve got a long day tomorrow.” Levi walked away with the 12 kids marching behind him like a military squad leaving a befuddled, possibly injured, and utterly defeated Erwin to think about his “life lesson” and the batshit crazy individuals that was his family.    

                                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                     =^ w ^=  

**Author's Note:**

> Cause I'm bedridden atm


End file.
